Set it aside for a few days and read it again. Put yourself in the shoes of an admissions officer: Is the essay interesting? Do the ideas flow logically? Does it reveal something about the applicant? Is it written in the applicant’s own voice?
An essay is, generally, a piece of writing that gives the author's own — but the definition is vague, overlapping with those of an , a , and a . Essays have traditionally been sub-classified as formal and informal. Formal essays are characterized by "serious purpose, dignity, logical organization, length," whereas the informal essay is characterized by "the personal element (self-revelation, individual tastes and experiences, confidential manner), humor, graceful style, rambling structure, unconventionality or novelty of theme," etc.
This lesson prepares the instructor--even at the college level--to teach Emerson. It provides important context, explanations, and glosses of Emerson's dense but famous essay. Emerson's work is challenging for students, even at the college level, because his writing does not appear to be transparent or follow the form of a logical, traditional argument. This lesson provides openings and important instruction into how to approach AND understand Emerson. It is designed in such a way that students (and professors/teachers) have the tools they need to engage with his philosophical ideas, as well as with his style and rhetoric. Indeed, this lesson makes Emerson relevant by requiring students to consider and then respond to the basic tenets of "Self-Reliance." The nod to Twitter in the activity is creative and fun. My only suggestion would be to consider in what ways Emerson and his ideas and work have come to occupy a hallowed space in American culture and the American literary imagination.
You seem to have submitted a fragment of an essay, to judge by the introduction, which promises much that the essay in its current form obviously doesn't deliver. So it is not clear what you might hope to gain from a critical review at this point. However, if you hope to develop this work into an essay that comes to specific conclusions about the appropriate care and management of patients with self-inflicted injuries on the basis of your research, then perhaps a word about such a conclusion might be helpful. You end your "background" paragraph with the claim that "holistic and culturally sensitive nursing intervention has become crucial to ensure that people who self-harm receive appropriate care." Although that claim is presented as the logical conclusion to the rest of the paragraph (insofar as it is introduced with the word "therefore"), there is no obvious connection between the two. The "background" paragraph says nothing specifically about how the nature of self-harm demands either holistic treatment or cultural sensitivity. If you want to make a coherent argument, you need to ensure that the evidence actually supports the conclusion, but you also need to articulate the logical connections between whatever evidence you present and the conclusions you come to. Your paragraph on the background does neither at this point.